"Clarity and Precision" in College Writing (another dumb rubric).

Teachers ask students to write with “clarity and precision,” without really explaining the difference between the two (clarity and precision). Maybe a “rubric” will explain.

Let’s say you were paraphrasing an author named Hoyle, who witnessed an event. The event can best be described in a sentence known to every typing student (because it uses all the letters in the alphabet).

Here’s what Hoyle wrote:

I witnessed something most extraordinary in the traditional behavior of the canine species and believe it has pertinent relevance regarding the relative roles of their species in both the symbiotic and parasitic or saprophillic relationship with our own. Upon approaching the habitat enclosure of our particular domestic birds, it became apparent by the noise that it had been, once again, invaded by the vixen predator that had been so troubling as of late. Our own domestic hound, supposedly our guardian and sentry, had interposed himself during the predatory raid squarely in the atrium of our aviary abode. The auburn vixen, quickly exiting by the portal upon my approach, vaulted with celerity over our indolent interposition with him scarcely noting nor caring about the invasion of the ingenious interloper, displaying little more locomotion than a perfidious yawn.

Whew. Obviously, Ms. Hoyle needs to pay more attention to “inflated language,” ( “the habitat enclosure of our particular domestic birds” instead of “chicken coop”) but as a writer, you have managed to boil this whole story down into something more manageable (for your reader and you).

Finally summarizing, you complete this sentence: “Then, according to Hoyle…”

Here’s what determines your “grade…”	Below Standard(“D” or less)	Approaching Standard: (“C” or thereabouts)	Standard: (In the “B” neighborhood)	Above Standard: (You get an “A”)
Clarity	“…something jumping.”	“…he jumped over him.”	“…one animal jumped over another.”	“…a fast dog jumped over a slow dog.”
Precision	“…animals jumping.”	“…one animal jumped.”	“…the fox jumped, the dog did not.”	“…the fox jumped over the dog.”
Clarity & Precision	“…dogs jumping.”	“…the fox jumped.”	“…the brown fox jumped over the dog that seemed to not care.”	“…the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.”

Be careful: the distinction between “clarity” and “precision” in this rubric may not be as simple as it looks. Clear: means you know what happened (verb). Precise: means you can attach the correct “action” to the “actor” (noun).

Look in the lower right-hand corner of the rubric, the completion that demonstrates the most Clarity AND Precision. Your answer would reveal the following:

You know that a “vixen” is a female fox, because you already knew it or had the intellectual curiosity to look it up.
You know that “celerity” means “swiftness,” also for the same reason.
You know that “auburn” means “brown” for the same reason.
You know that “vaulted” means “jumped” for the same reason.
You know that “indolent” means “lazy,” ditto.

You get the idea. Now look at the upper left-hand corner of the rubric… the place where you DO NOT want to be.

First of all, nothing in the first (“below standard”) column makes a complete sentence. There’s no verb. “Jumping” is a gerund (-ing form), describing “something,” “animals,” or “dogs.” There’s no “action”(or complete predicate) in the completion of this sentence.
Good thing: the writer knew something “jumped.” Bad thing: the writer demonstrated no clue about what jumped, where, or why.
Good thing: the writer knew that “canine” meant “dog.” Bad thing: no distinction between “dog” and “fox.” By the way, a “dog” fox is a male fox. You knew that, right? But Ms. Hoyle, in her turgid prose, specified a “vixen.”

Beyond all that: what is Ms. Hoyle really trying to say? What does “saprophillic” mean, and did she use the word correctly? What (if any) is the relationship “inferred” (not stated directly) between “man’s best friend” and “man’s worst predator?”

Many academic writers use the same type of prose that “Ms. Hoyle” did in our sample. Such prose is mistaken for “formal writing.” It is no such thing. It is merely displaying “vocabulary proficiency” when it is “thought proficiency” that truly matters.

But you know that, right? Write.

HOME